Mother's Day 2013

I am a very blessed woman and mommy!  I have three amazing men in my life!  The first being my husband who loves me and our children more than he or I could ever put into words!  The second and Third are our two sweet beautiful boys!  I spent a little while just looking at those two today and was thinking, "is this really my life!"  "What have I done to deserve such blessings?"  I thought about life just a short year ago and how different it is now! 

Saturday, May 12, 2012 started out as a typical day at the Finch house!  Later in the day Nick took Nathan out to play and I was going to join them shortly.  I needed to take care of some laundry and wash my hair!  After washing my hair I decided to tackle the never ending pile of laundry!  I can't explain it very well but anyone who has ever been pregnant knows exactly the feeling I'm about to describe.............Just out of no where I felt like I needed to take a break and just lay down out of pure exhaustion , so I did.  An hour later Nick comes in to check on me and there I was passed out on the bed and I wasn't even aware I had fallen asleep.  I had wet hair and everything.  I knew in that instant that I needed to take a pregnancy test!  So the next day (Mother's Day 2012) I got up at 5am to take that test.  After waiting the appropriate time I looked at the test and only saw one line, so I tossed the test and went back to sleep.  Later that morning when I was in the bathroom I decided to look at that test again and to my astonishment I saw two lines this time but only if you held it up in the light!  I went and showed Nick the test just to make sure I wasn't going crazy and seeing things and he saw it too!

The whole day Nick and I were in complete disbelief!  We wanted this baby and had planned him but was a little shocked that it happened so quickly!  Trying to conceive with Nathan, it could not happen quick enough and the three months it took seemed like an eternity.  I needed Nathan, I needed a baby to hold and to love.  We had already lost two precious children and we needed a baby that would restore hope and bring us some happiness.  We wanted to be a mommy and daddy more than anything!  With Joshua, we were not in any rush to conceive and it happened the first month!  But Gods time is always the perfect time!

Fast forward a year later and I have a very sweet baby that is determined he is not going to be a baby!  Don't treat him like he is a baby and by all means don't hold him like he is a baby!  It's hard to put into words what Joshua means to us!  We did not need Joshua like we needed Nathan!  I hope he thinks that He's special because we just simply wanted him!  The more children we have the more complete I feel as a person and as a mother.  The biggest question we get asked, "Are y'all going to try for a girl?"  My response is always the same, "If we have another child its because we want another child!"  God knows what is best for us and if boys are all we are going to have then I will take them and love every single one of them with all my heart!  Becoming a mother was the most natural and easiest transition in life I have ever gone through.  Yes, there are days that are really tough but I really do feel like I was made to do this.  Thankful for God's perfect design of women!

Nathan who has had my heart the longest always amazes me!  I never give him the benefit of the doubt!  I was really worried how he was going to handle everything once we brought Joshua home.  Nathan is and will always be a momma's boy so I was worried that he would feel replaced.  I was worried he would act ugly to Joshua.  I was worried he would seclude himself.  He has been the best big brother to Joshua!  Yes, there has been times that he has gotten upset when Joshua would wake up from a nap!  Nathan who has very few words, would pull me back to Joshua's bassinet and cry and point at it, in other words put Joshua back so you and me can go back to playing without him!  But most of the time he wants to help me take care of Joshua!  He loves to bring him his blanket whether he needs it or not.  Nathan likes to give him his paci too, but I sometimes think its just where he doesn't want him to cry and interrupt Nathan's movie time!  But what melts my heart the most is when he tells Joshua night-night and will give him hugs and kisses!  Their favorite thing to do together is lay down in Joshua's crib and listen to the mobile!  Nathan watches the mobile and Joshua watches Nathan.  Joshua loves when Nathan sits down in front of his swing and pushes him and turns the music on for him too!  I love every second of everyday that I get to stay at home with these two precious souls that God has entrusted us with!

I always pause and reflect on our two babies that we never got a chance to meet.  I rejoice that I was able to be there mommy even if it was only for a few short weeks!  Still hurts just as much today as it did the days we lost them, maybe even more so.  I know what its like to be a mom now and the love I have for my two boys and it breaks my heart that I wasn't able to give the same love to them!  Heaven is just going to be even more sweeter for us! 

Not that I needed any gifts to celebrate today because my two boys are gifts enough but I got two of the most precious gifts that Nick could ever give to me!  The first gift was a necklace shaped as a tree that has all four of our children's birthstones (two of the stones represent the lives of the two we lost of what would have been their birth months)!  The second gift was a poem he wrote on Joshua's life!  From finding out we were pregnant, to Joshua being 4 days overdue, and to our extra days in the hospital trying to overcome the stress that labor had put on his little body!  It is beautiful!  I can't wait to hang it on our wall right next to the poem he wrote for Nathan as well!  I will post both of them in my next blog once he gives me the digital copies!  I always look forward to Mother's Day because there was honestly a time when I wasn't sure I would get to truly celebrate the day!