December 16, 2009, Nick and I were so excited to go and have our first ultrasound of our second pregnancy. We never in a million years thought that appointment would end the way it did. We went in and found out that the baby who had been developing normally did not have a heartbeat.
We still have that ultrasound picture up in our living room. Perfect little baby that started to develop little arms and legs. It really is the cutest ultrasound picture I've seen. So hard to believe that the baby was no longer alive. The picture is the only thing I have that represents the life I once had in me. I don't have anything for the first pregnancy we lost, which breaks my heart.
I was dreading going to work today, as I knew losing our baby would be on my mind all day long. I try really hard to cover up how I feel for the sake of others. God is so amazing, we got snow today and so no school for me!!! Now I can take the proper time and go through the emotions without interruption.
I do have something to celebrate, today I am 36 weeks!!!! It is so hard to believe in just a few short weeks Nick and I will have a baby to bring home and take care of. I'm not scared about the delivery, that's going to happen whether I know what I'm doing or not. I am worried about raising the baby. Its not going to be just me and Nick anymore. We went out to eat last night and it hit me, soon it will no longer be just me and Nick, but us with a baby. How in the world are we going to do it. I told him we better enjoy the last dinners out with just us. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to have a baby to carry with us, its just not going to be as easy. Nick and i are not planners, we just get up and go, with a baby we are going to have to make sure its on the baby's time. Has Nathan been feed, changed, and in the mood to venture out. I know that its going to take awhile to figure out how Nathan is going to be, and after that things will get easier.
Last night I also dreamed about Nathan. Its only the second time I've dreamed about him. My first dream was that Nathan was going to have red hair. The fuuny thing is, that's all the dream was about. I never saw his face, never heard him cry, just that he had red hair. Last night was a really weird dream. First Nick and I were home from the hospital, but I don't remember delivering Nathan. I don't even remember seeing him. Nick was telling me all about it and it hit me, where is Nathan? That's when we heard a knock on our bedroom door and someone dropped off Nathan. I have no idea where he was prior to this moment. Then I started to cry because it had been days since I delivered him and I knew I never got a chance to breastfeed him. So most of my dream involved me trying to get him interested in breastfeeding. I did get a really good look at him, the problem was Nathan looked like a 5 month old baby instead of a little bitty newborn. Not only that but he was already smiling and laughing. I had some other really weird things happen but I won't get into those. Even though I know its was just a dream, I loved every bit of it as weird as it was. I actually dreamed about my baby and I woke up perfectly content. Especially with today weighing so heavily on me. God knew what I needed. I just hope I can have many more dreams the weeks left of my pregnancy of our sweet baby boy.
Yesterday we had a really good checkup. Talked to the nurse about our birth plan. Our first goal is to not have a C-Section, second goal is to not use any pain medication. In order to help us accomplish this we have hired a Doula. She is a delivery coach, she has different techniques to help ease the pain. Looking forward to working with her and hoping and praying that God will see us through.
Like at every appointment they check the baby's heartbeat, well Nathan is one funny little boy. I have told many that he is very shy, that whenever I'm in a crowd he "hides" (where he hides is a question I would loved to be answered). Not many people have been able to actually feel him move or kick, Nick included. The nurse was asking how often do I feel the baby. I was in the middle of telling her he does not like to be messed with. Nathan was positioned so that his heart was on my right side, well when she started messing with him, he wiggled his way to my left side to get away from her. It was so funny and cute. He is going to be traumatized when he enters this world. No more hiding places and people are going to be constantly touching him. He is one perfectly content baby inside of me. I'm not sure he is going to want to be born, we might have an overdue baby on our hands, lol.
I'm now in the short weeks, I am now scheduled to start going to the doctor ever week now. I am geting really excited about meeting this baby that I have carried for going on 9 months. Mommy and daddy already love you more than you will ever know!!!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Update
Today I am at home sick. I have Strep throat, but I think I have a cold on top of that as well. I opted for the shot of penicillin instead of doing the ten days of pills, I'm not sure I will do that again. I already have a hard time getting around, and now my hip hurts really bad. I hope that heals soon. I have had a fever off and on, and I'm trying my best not to have to take anymore medicine. So far I have managed fine, but a few more days of this and I know I will give in. I hope I will be able to go into work at least by tomorrow, but if things don't drastically change, then I will stay home another day.
I haven't posted in a while because Nick and I have been so busy. We have had a lot to do at work and a lot of church events we have planned or attended. Plus we started our birthing classes. We meet on Monday nights from 7:00 to 9:00. We have not learn a lot of new things, but I have gotten a lot of techniques that I can't wait to try to alleviate the pain of labor. It is our goal to have an all natural birth. We would love to not have to use any medications, but coming from someone who has never birth a baby, I will keep my options open just in case. We have seen many different birth videos and Nick has handled them very well. I can't wait to see how supportive Nick is going to be on the big day and how great of a dad he is going to be.
We did have a pregnancy scare. I went in for my 29 week appointment and the doctor said the baby was measuring at 31 weeks. The baby should not have been 2 weeks ahead, so he scheduled us an ultrasound to find out what was going on. The two things that could cause the measurements to be off is a "big" baby or too much fluid. We were praying for the baby to be big, because too much fluid could mean a problem with the baby. At the ultrasound they measured the fluid first and that came back perfect, which was a relief. They also measured the baby and he was measuring just 5 days bigger than an average size baby at this stage in my pregnancy. Nathan weighs over 4 pounds already, and if we continue at this rate we will have an 8 pound baby (hopefully no bigger, lol). So, why was I measuring 2 weeks bigger, the baby could have possible stretched my uterus. God has answered all of our prayers so far with this pregnancy and baby.
Nathan put on a show during the ultrasound. He has gotten so big, you can only view one body part at a time. She showed us his "its a boy" parts and he still most definitely a boy!!! She then was going to give a 3d view of his face, so we can get an idea of what he is going to look like. While zooming in, we notice something coming close to his face, the technician said it was his feet. Two seconds later one foot was in his mouth, then he switched and put his other foot in his mouth. The boy was eating his feet. It was the funniest thing we had ever seen. He then stuck his foot in his nose. Speaking of noses it looked like he going to have my nose and chubby cheeks.
We had our first baby shower on Sunday, November 14 at church. We had a lot of people join in on the celebration of Nathan. We got a lot of cute baby blankets, clothes, and toys. We even got his potty already and lots more. Can't wait to use everything and to see Nathan in all his cute little outfits. We are a little worried that Nathan will not fit in any of the newborn outfits. If he is born at 8 pounds or more, he will be too big for those outfits. Luckily we have other sizes as well. We can't wait to finally be parents. Can't wait to have a little one to fill our home with even more love.
I haven't posted in a while because Nick and I have been so busy. We have had a lot to do at work and a lot of church events we have planned or attended. Plus we started our birthing classes. We meet on Monday nights from 7:00 to 9:00. We have not learn a lot of new things, but I have gotten a lot of techniques that I can't wait to try to alleviate the pain of labor. It is our goal to have an all natural birth. We would love to not have to use any medications, but coming from someone who has never birth a baby, I will keep my options open just in case. We have seen many different birth videos and Nick has handled them very well. I can't wait to see how supportive Nick is going to be on the big day and how great of a dad he is going to be.
We did have a pregnancy scare. I went in for my 29 week appointment and the doctor said the baby was measuring at 31 weeks. The baby should not have been 2 weeks ahead, so he scheduled us an ultrasound to find out what was going on. The two things that could cause the measurements to be off is a "big" baby or too much fluid. We were praying for the baby to be big, because too much fluid could mean a problem with the baby. At the ultrasound they measured the fluid first and that came back perfect, which was a relief. They also measured the baby and he was measuring just 5 days bigger than an average size baby at this stage in my pregnancy. Nathan weighs over 4 pounds already, and if we continue at this rate we will have an 8 pound baby (hopefully no bigger, lol). So, why was I measuring 2 weeks bigger, the baby could have possible stretched my uterus. God has answered all of our prayers so far with this pregnancy and baby.
Nathan put on a show during the ultrasound. He has gotten so big, you can only view one body part at a time. She showed us his "its a boy" parts and he still most definitely a boy!!! She then was going to give a 3d view of his face, so we can get an idea of what he is going to look like. While zooming in, we notice something coming close to his face, the technician said it was his feet. Two seconds later one foot was in his mouth, then he switched and put his other foot in his mouth. The boy was eating his feet. It was the funniest thing we had ever seen. He then stuck his foot in his nose. Speaking of noses it looked like he going to have my nose and chubby cheeks.
We had our first baby shower on Sunday, November 14 at church. We had a lot of people join in on the celebration of Nathan. We got a lot of cute baby blankets, clothes, and toys. We even got his potty already and lots more. Can't wait to use everything and to see Nathan in all his cute little outfits. We are a little worried that Nathan will not fit in any of the newborn outfits. If he is born at 8 pounds or more, he will be too big for those outfits. Luckily we have other sizes as well. We can't wait to finally be parents. Can't wait to have a little one to fill our home with even more love.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Happy 10 years!!!!!
October 14, 2000 was an amazing day. The boy of my dreams FINALLY asked me to be his girlfriend. We went on our first date September 1, 2000, and it took him a month and a half to ask me. What was so funny is I don't think he would have ever asked me, had I not asked him if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He has made the last 10 years of my life the best. We have had our ups and downs, but still going strong. Only the best is yet to come :) Nick thank you for being their for me the last 10 years of my life. God really blessed me when he gave me you!!!
Went to the doctor today, everything went good. Baby still measuring on target, heartbeat beating so beautifully!!!! While we were their we registered for our birthing classes. I hope it eases some anxiety we both might have about labor. I have been imagining the worse, like having the baby in the car, or baby being breached. Either way as long as the ending result is a healthy loving little boy, that's all that matters.
Went to the doctor today, everything went good. Baby still measuring on target, heartbeat beating so beautifully!!!! While we were their we registered for our birthing classes. I hope it eases some anxiety we both might have about labor. I have been imagining the worse, like having the baby in the car, or baby being breached. Either way as long as the ending result is a healthy loving little boy, that's all that matters.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
100 days left....
We are counting down, 100 days or less (hopefully less)!!! We are now in the double digits. Time sure has gone bye so fast. I am in the full swing of my 6 month and I am loving every bit of it!!!! Please continue to pray for us, we are nearing the more scary part "The delivery." I know God is going to protect me and Nathan. Praying for a safe delivery but most importantly a healthy baby.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
No Diabetes for me!!!!
Good news, I don't have Gestational Diabetes. I passed my glucose tolerance test, but barely! Had a good check-up, blood work looked good, still measuring on target! The bad thing about my appointment is I had to get a shot. My blood type is RH Negative and because of this I have to get a shot with each pregnancy around this time, or after any miscarriages or deliveries. If the baby has the same blood type (RH negative) then I do not have to get another shot after delivering him, but if he does not then I will. The bad thing about the shot is I had to get it in my butt. I knew I was getting a shot I just did not know where. The nurse said, alright pull down your pants, I said, “what, where is this shot going?” She said, “Sorry, its going in your butt.” I said nervously, “Ok, how far do I need to pull my pants down, lol.” Nick was just a laughing at me, but he did hold my hand. He has been so good to me, throughout this pregnancy. He goes with me to every appointment; he asks the doctor more questions than I do. I keep joking with him that I need to make him go get me something at 2 or 3 in the morning!!! Just so he can have the full effect of meeting my cravings in my time of needs and wants.
We are slowly checking off our list of things to do. We are about to sign up for our first childbirth class!!! We would have taken the class this month, but we missed the cutoff time. But they offer another one next month, so we will sign up for that one. We know that the baby will be added to Nick’s health insurance policy and I will be added if I no longer work. We have registered at Target and Babies R’ Us!!!
One of the biggest things left to decide is to find Nathan a pediatrician. They tell you to pick one before the baby is born (obviously) but how do you know where to start? I can’t even name one pediatrician in Nash County and I’m supposed to pick one for my baby. It’s a little overwhelming.
Things have been really good the last few weeks. My only complaint is back pain. Nathan must be sitting on my back. My back hurts so badly at night, I can barely move. I have even had some back spasms. The doctor recommended some things to help with the pain and to hopefully prevent my back from hurting in the first place. Please pray that I will take better care of my back and it will stop hurting. Nathan is starting move more and more everyday, well at least I am starting to feel him so much more than before. I love, love, love it!!! When I don’t feel him during the day I get a little worried, but he always makes his presents right in the nick of time. I can’t wait until others can feel him, especially Nick. Every time Nathan is kicking I call Nick over to feel him and Nathan immediately stops. I think he knows and is playing with us. Nick has put his head on my stomach and heard Nathan wiggling around and a few little kicks, but only a few times. Nothing is sweeter, than to share these moments with Nick!!!
I start going to the doctor every two weeks now. I can’t believe how quick this pregnancy has gone bye. We are nearing the mark of 100 days left. Can’t wait :)
We are slowly checking off our list of things to do. We are about to sign up for our first childbirth class!!! We would have taken the class this month, but we missed the cutoff time. But they offer another one next month, so we will sign up for that one. We know that the baby will be added to Nick’s health insurance policy and I will be added if I no longer work. We have registered at Target and Babies R’ Us!!!
One of the biggest things left to decide is to find Nathan a pediatrician. They tell you to pick one before the baby is born (obviously) but how do you know where to start? I can’t even name one pediatrician in Nash County and I’m supposed to pick one for my baby. It’s a little overwhelming.
Things have been really good the last few weeks. My only complaint is back pain. Nathan must be sitting on my back. My back hurts so badly at night, I can barely move. I have even had some back spasms. The doctor recommended some things to help with the pain and to hopefully prevent my back from hurting in the first place. Please pray that I will take better care of my back and it will stop hurting. Nathan is starting move more and more everyday, well at least I am starting to feel him so much more than before. I love, love, love it!!! When I don’t feel him during the day I get a little worried, but he always makes his presents right in the nick of time. I can’t wait until others can feel him, especially Nick. Every time Nathan is kicking I call Nick over to feel him and Nathan immediately stops. I think he knows and is playing with us. Nick has put his head on my stomach and heard Nathan wiggling around and a few little kicks, but only a few times. Nothing is sweeter, than to share these moments with Nick!!!
I start going to the doctor every two weeks now. I can’t believe how quick this pregnancy has gone bye. We are nearing the mark of 100 days left. Can’t wait :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
We are estactic to introduce you too.....
Nick and I have spent the last few weeks trying to nail down a name for our precious baby boy. We have kept joking with people who would ask if we picked out a name that we had his last name picked out. We have thought of names off and on the past two years. Working in the school system, we come across a lot of different names. Some that I adore others we can’t even pronounce. We agreed on names that we would never name our child, either because we completely disliked the name or we associate it with a kid that got on our ever lasting nerves. We knew we wanted a name that is known but not highly popular.
I asked Nick to begin with, if we have a boy, do you want him to be a Junior. He said he did not. I was not crazy either about having a Junior, but if that is what Nick wanted then I would honor that for him. We knew we both wanted to absolutely love our babies’ name. Its funny because we had picked out so many “boy” names and only one or two girl names. I knew we were going to have a little boy, so I really did not even bother looking at girl names. It was in my gut. One name constantly came to mind every time I would think of baby names, even before Nick and I had even talked about having kids. We had one student out of 800 students at Nashville Elementary school that had this particular first name. Every time I would check out a book to this little boy, it would put a smile on my face. Nick has already taught over a 1000 kids and he never taught a student with this name.
So after, we found out that we were having a boy. We went to a list of names we had picked out and was trying different combinations. Nothing really sounded that great to us. We picked out some first names we will most likely name our future kids. But we kept coming back to the same name. One night we were thinking of names and I said well, lets look up what this particular name means. Our mouths dropped when we found out what the name we were falling in love with meant. “Gift from God,” how much perfect could this name get. God always reveals His will, you just have to be looking for it to see it. He knew we would lose two babies long before Nick and I even met. He knew the name of the first child we would bring into our home, long before the thought of kids entered out minds. We know this baby and any baby is a gift from God, but Nick and I know first hand how special and true it really is. So we proudly introduce to you, Nathan Wayne Finch!!!! Nathan meaning “Gift from God,” and Wayne is from my dads side of the family. Wayne is my dads and oldest brothers’ middle name. We can not wait to bring home Nathan and to be his Mommy and Daddy. I get teary eyed just thinking that God picked Nathan to be our son. God does not make mistakes and everyday I find that to be truer. Thank you God for blessing us with Nathan, we can only hope that Nathan will grow up to be a blessing to you in return.
I asked Nick to begin with, if we have a boy, do you want him to be a Junior. He said he did not. I was not crazy either about having a Junior, but if that is what Nick wanted then I would honor that for him. We knew we both wanted to absolutely love our babies’ name. Its funny because we had picked out so many “boy” names and only one or two girl names. I knew we were going to have a little boy, so I really did not even bother looking at girl names. It was in my gut. One name constantly came to mind every time I would think of baby names, even before Nick and I had even talked about having kids. We had one student out of 800 students at Nashville Elementary school that had this particular first name. Every time I would check out a book to this little boy, it would put a smile on my face. Nick has already taught over a 1000 kids and he never taught a student with this name.
So after, we found out that we were having a boy. We went to a list of names we had picked out and was trying different combinations. Nothing really sounded that great to us. We picked out some first names we will most likely name our future kids. But we kept coming back to the same name. One night we were thinking of names and I said well, lets look up what this particular name means. Our mouths dropped when we found out what the name we were falling in love with meant. “Gift from God,” how much perfect could this name get. God always reveals His will, you just have to be looking for it to see it. He knew we would lose two babies long before Nick and I even met. He knew the name of the first child we would bring into our home, long before the thought of kids entered out minds. We know this baby and any baby is a gift from God, but Nick and I know first hand how special and true it really is. So we proudly introduce to you, Nathan Wayne Finch!!!! Nathan meaning “Gift from God,” and Wayne is from my dads side of the family. Wayne is my dads and oldest brothers’ middle name. We can not wait to bring home Nathan and to be his Mommy and Daddy. I get teary eyed just thinking that God picked Nathan to be our son. God does not make mistakes and everyday I find that to be truer. Thank you God for blessing us with Nathan, we can only hope that Nathan will grow up to be a blessing to you in return.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Over the hump!!!
Felt like now would be a good time to write about how this pregnancy has been so far. While writing this I am one day shy of 21 weeks. It's hard to comprehend the fact that half of my pregnancy has come and gone. I will have this little boy in my arms in less than 4 months. As excited as we are, we are now trying to grasp the fact that we will be parents. Nick and I have been through so much in the last almost 2 years its like we are waiting for something else bad to happen (well at least I am). It’s hard to get overly excited about the upcoming birth of our baby, because I can't see myself that far in the future. We have gotten excited before only to have two miscarriages back to back.
Our hope is that we can afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Most people probably take this opportunity for granted, but we have a different perspective on how precious a baby is. I can’t imagine leaving my baby 5 days a week for someone else to care for and missing all those precious first memories. It would break my heart to come pick up my child and hear someone else say, “He said his first word today.” If I’m not able to be the one to stay will our baby, I hope my mom would be the one who would watch my baby while I work.
While we are trying to work out all the details, I feel like I’m kind of getting “cold feet” about the whole full-time mom. Work (career) is all I’ve even known. I use to babysit and clean houses when I was 12 or 13 and then got my first real job at Hardees as the biscuit maker, when I was 14. I worked all through high school and college. I have only been without a job for maybe 6 months in all those years. I was raised to have good work ethics and put my all into whatever I was doing whether I liked the job or not. I finally have a job that I can see myself doing until I retire and it scares me to leave it.
Nashville Elementary is my home away from home. And although I do get frustrated sometimes, I feel like I make a difference most days. I have some close relationships with many of my co-workers. Many of them don’t even know how much they have helped me get through all the heart ache of losing our two precious babies. I feel like God sent me to Nashville, because he knew I would need the support I got from my co-workers, many who have gone through their own heart aches of losing their children.
After losing our second baby, all I wanted to do was quit working. I hated every morning I had to get up and go to work and put on a happy face and pretend everything was alright. Nick told me over and over that I could stop working if that’s what I needed to do. I’m glad I stuck with it, because I do think it helped me cope with everything. Gave my mind something else to think about and helped me not to slip into a depression. Which is what I think I was very close to happening?
I know if I am able to stay home, that is what I need to do. It is what I want to do. It’s just so much is changing and to be honest I am scared to death of all the changes. I mean its one thing to have your first baby, and not having much experience with newborns. It’s another to give up a part of your life that you are sure of and know what to expect. Sorry this post is kind of a downer. I did not mean for everything to sound so negative. I am truly happy and would not trade any of this for the world. I just need some extra prayers to help ease my mind of all the changes Nick and I are about to face. Ready or not here we come!!!!
Our hope is that we can afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Most people probably take this opportunity for granted, but we have a different perspective on how precious a baby is. I can’t imagine leaving my baby 5 days a week for someone else to care for and missing all those precious first memories. It would break my heart to come pick up my child and hear someone else say, “He said his first word today.” If I’m not able to be the one to stay will our baby, I hope my mom would be the one who would watch my baby while I work.
While we are trying to work out all the details, I feel like I’m kind of getting “cold feet” about the whole full-time mom. Work (career) is all I’ve even known. I use to babysit and clean houses when I was 12 or 13 and then got my first real job at Hardees as the biscuit maker, when I was 14. I worked all through high school and college. I have only been without a job for maybe 6 months in all those years. I was raised to have good work ethics and put my all into whatever I was doing whether I liked the job or not. I finally have a job that I can see myself doing until I retire and it scares me to leave it.
Nashville Elementary is my home away from home. And although I do get frustrated sometimes, I feel like I make a difference most days. I have some close relationships with many of my co-workers. Many of them don’t even know how much they have helped me get through all the heart ache of losing our two precious babies. I feel like God sent me to Nashville, because he knew I would need the support I got from my co-workers, many who have gone through their own heart aches of losing their children.
After losing our second baby, all I wanted to do was quit working. I hated every morning I had to get up and go to work and put on a happy face and pretend everything was alright. Nick told me over and over that I could stop working if that’s what I needed to do. I’m glad I stuck with it, because I do think it helped me cope with everything. Gave my mind something else to think about and helped me not to slip into a depression. Which is what I think I was very close to happening?
I know if I am able to stay home, that is what I need to do. It is what I want to do. It’s just so much is changing and to be honest I am scared to death of all the changes. I mean its one thing to have your first baby, and not having much experience with newborns. It’s another to give up a part of your life that you are sure of and know what to expect. Sorry this post is kind of a downer. I did not mean for everything to sound so negative. I am truly happy and would not trade any of this for the world. I just need some extra prayers to help ease my mind of all the changes Nick and I are about to face. Ready or not here we come!!!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
IT'S A BOY!!!
Nick and I are so excited to be parents to a precious little boy. Today was just the best day, I did not have to report to work at my usual time of 7am. I got to sleep in til 9:30 and it was great. The best part was waking up and getting ready to go to our ultrasound appointment. The big ultrasound appointment where we would get to find out the sex of the baby. Nick and I prayed last night that the baby would "show" himself. "Boy", does God answer prayers, one of the first shots we got was the "potty shot" and you could tell it was ALL BOY. The ultrasound lasted about 20 minutes and we got to see every part of this baby. The Heart looked perfect and was beating at the usual 152 beats per minute. Doctor said everything looks "perfect," Baby Boy Finch looks like he is developing like he should, exactly what Nick and I wanted to hear and see.
This ultrasound was the best. We got to see how much the baby has changed over the last almost 17 weeks. The first ultrasound we got, it did not look anything like a baby, just a round clump. The second ultrasound, was more baby like, but still hard to tell what was the head and other body parts. This ultrasound there was no doubting what you were seeing. The best part of all the ultrasounds is seeing the little baby's heart beating, so precious.
I absolutely loved seeing the baby move. Even though I tried to get him reved up before we went by drinking orange juice, he still was not moving all that much. He looked like he was swimming, he was kicking his legs and hands. So happy we got some video clips, we will cherish them forever.
Well, since I'm working this summer, and not having much to do at work. I have had a lot of time to search online for various things I would want for the nursery. Prior to finding out the gender, I was looking up bedding for a boy or girl. I picked my favorite for either sex, and now all I got to do is order the bedding. Why am I rushing this: I need to go ahead a pick a color to paint the babies room. Nick and I are going out of town this weekend to celebrate our 5 year Anniversary (Yeah!!!) and my mom is going to paint the room. We had already primed the room prior to conceiving again. Perfect opportunity that I can not pass up. So the room is going to be key lime green. It should be bright and we are excited to finally see that room get some color.
So like I said this week has been awesome and its not over yet. Looking forward to a nice romantic anniversary to Myrtle Beach. Maybe even do some shopping for our "Little boy", or as my mother-in-law says "Little Man" (based on his ultrasound pics, lol).
This ultrasound was the best. We got to see how much the baby has changed over the last almost 17 weeks. The first ultrasound we got, it did not look anything like a baby, just a round clump. The second ultrasound, was more baby like, but still hard to tell what was the head and other body parts. This ultrasound there was no doubting what you were seeing. The best part of all the ultrasounds is seeing the little baby's heart beating, so precious.
I absolutely loved seeing the baby move. Even though I tried to get him reved up before we went by drinking orange juice, he still was not moving all that much. He looked like he was swimming, he was kicking his legs and hands. So happy we got some video clips, we will cherish them forever.
Well, since I'm working this summer, and not having much to do at work. I have had a lot of time to search online for various things I would want for the nursery. Prior to finding out the gender, I was looking up bedding for a boy or girl. I picked my favorite for either sex, and now all I got to do is order the bedding. Why am I rushing this: I need to go ahead a pick a color to paint the babies room. Nick and I are going out of town this weekend to celebrate our 5 year Anniversary (Yeah!!!) and my mom is going to paint the room. We had already primed the room prior to conceiving again. Perfect opportunity that I can not pass up. So the room is going to be key lime green. It should be bright and we are excited to finally see that room get some color.
So like I said this week has been awesome and its not over yet. Looking forward to a nice romantic anniversary to Myrtle Beach. Maybe even do some shopping for our "Little boy", or as my mother-in-law says "Little Man" (based on his ultrasound pics, lol).
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Oh Great, SHE found out
Needless to say Nick and I wanted to keep the news of our pregnancy a secret until we knew the risk of miscarriage went down. Yes, there were some that we hated we could not share our news with, because they are the ones we are closest too, and the ones we knew who would be the happiest about this pregnancy. When Nick and I started to tell family, and friends the first question asked is, "well, are y'all telling everybody." Nick and I answer this, "well yes, but there is only ONE person we do not want to find out." You might be thinking what is Nick and Shannon's problem, who would they have a problem with. We knew SHE would find out eventually, but the longer the better for my pregnancy. I don't need any extra outside stress, this pregnancy is already stressful enough. One thing I purposely left out in my blog about my second miscarriage is the behind the scenes drama that was taking place. I am writing this tonight because if you guessed it, yes SHE found out. I was visiting with my mom tonight and came home to a present on my doorstep from this particular PERSON. It was a bag of diapers and a case of lotions and shampoo, etc. You might think, well that was really nice of them, but if you knew this person you would know that it was HER way of telling us that SHE knew. It was a spiteful gift and you will find out why we believe this.
I will keep this persons identity a secret, only because it will only make things worse on me and Nick if we told HER name. I will say she is someone that should have been a little more encouraging and compassionate during our emotional time of losing our second child. I will begin to explain the extra grief this women put us through, during an already grief stricken time in out lives.
Let me tell you again about the day and days following after we found out we would be losing our second baby. Nick and I went into our first ultrasound, not thinking anything bad would come of it. Within seconds of the ultrasound, we knew something was wrong. The ultrasound tech told us the baby no longer had a heartbeat. Your mind can not properly grasp that. I'm thinking first, she is wrong, second, oh well just give it a couple more days and the heart will start back. I could not understand that no heartbeat would mean another miscarriage. After talking with the doctor about my desire NOT to have a D&C that I wanted to wait and let my body miscarry naturally, we finally got to leave to go home and pick up the pieces of our shattered heart.
We called the necessary people and told them the news and of course word got out, which we were thankful for, we did not have to tell everyone ourselves. We got home and updated our facebook status with song lyrics that represented how we were feeling that night. Of course the ones that knew, replied that they loved us, were sorry and were praying for us as well. Something you would expect from the ones who love and care about you. Nick and I made indications about the upcoming miscarriage. The next two days Nick and I trying to go through the flow of emotions posted scripture referencing things like miracles and faith and hope. We were not silent in our desire for God to save our baby and to gives us that miracle. The faith we have in God, gives us the hope that yes God can do anything. I believe in the miracles told in the Bible, if God wanted too, he could make our baby's heart start beating again. That's when this woman started her attack. On Nick's post he wrote the verse Mark 10:27, Jesus looked at them and said, "with man it is impossible but not with God. For all things are possible with God." Nick ended with, still praying for a miracle. This Lady responded, "a miracle would be nice and it is true that it is not impossible with God. God could give your baby life, but I cannot help but ask: Why should you get your baby back when millions of other people don't? Women have their babies literally ripped from their bodies while they scream bloody murder and then they are left to bleed and die. They don't get any condolences, prayer, or any kind of expression of sympathy whatsoever. They believe in God just as much as you, if not more. They didn't do anything to bring it on themselves as some "church" people say. Perhaps you should count yourselves fortunate. Be thankful this is all God has done in this area." I wish the story ended there, but SHE was just getting started. She had an agenda and it was to make Nick and I completely miserable. She was waiting for the perfect opportunity to say things to us that she has waited years to say. I guess she thought oh, well they are already going through so much, now sounds like a perfect time to me to unlease my hatred on them. Needless to say, we have tried our best not to have any contact with this women, easier said then done. It is not healthy nor wise or Biblical for us to put ourselves in a situation to be attacked over and over. Nick and I might not have gotten our miracle from God with saving our baby, but we pray that God would use is powers to heal this women.
I will keep this persons identity a secret, only because it will only make things worse on me and Nick if we told HER name. I will say she is someone that should have been a little more encouraging and compassionate during our emotional time of losing our second child. I will begin to explain the extra grief this women put us through, during an already grief stricken time in out lives.
Let me tell you again about the day and days following after we found out we would be losing our second baby. Nick and I went into our first ultrasound, not thinking anything bad would come of it. Within seconds of the ultrasound, we knew something was wrong. The ultrasound tech told us the baby no longer had a heartbeat. Your mind can not properly grasp that. I'm thinking first, she is wrong, second, oh well just give it a couple more days and the heart will start back. I could not understand that no heartbeat would mean another miscarriage. After talking with the doctor about my desire NOT to have a D&C that I wanted to wait and let my body miscarry naturally, we finally got to leave to go home and pick up the pieces of our shattered heart.
We called the necessary people and told them the news and of course word got out, which we were thankful for, we did not have to tell everyone ourselves. We got home and updated our facebook status with song lyrics that represented how we were feeling that night. Of course the ones that knew, replied that they loved us, were sorry and were praying for us as well. Something you would expect from the ones who love and care about you. Nick and I made indications about the upcoming miscarriage. The next two days Nick and I trying to go through the flow of emotions posted scripture referencing things like miracles and faith and hope. We were not silent in our desire for God to save our baby and to gives us that miracle. The faith we have in God, gives us the hope that yes God can do anything. I believe in the miracles told in the Bible, if God wanted too, he could make our baby's heart start beating again. That's when this woman started her attack. On Nick's post he wrote the verse Mark 10:27, Jesus looked at them and said, "with man it is impossible but not with God. For all things are possible with God." Nick ended with, still praying for a miracle. This Lady responded, "a miracle would be nice and it is true that it is not impossible with God. God could give your baby life, but I cannot help but ask: Why should you get your baby back when millions of other people don't? Women have their babies literally ripped from their bodies while they scream bloody murder and then they are left to bleed and die. They don't get any condolences, prayer, or any kind of expression of sympathy whatsoever. They believe in God just as much as you, if not more. They didn't do anything to bring it on themselves as some "church" people say. Perhaps you should count yourselves fortunate. Be thankful this is all God has done in this area." I wish the story ended there, but SHE was just getting started. She had an agenda and it was to make Nick and I completely miserable. She was waiting for the perfect opportunity to say things to us that she has waited years to say. I guess she thought oh, well they are already going through so much, now sounds like a perfect time to me to unlease my hatred on them. Needless to say, we have tried our best not to have any contact with this women, easier said then done. It is not healthy nor wise or Biblical for us to put ourselves in a situation to be attacked over and over. Nick and I might not have gotten our miracle from God with saving our baby, but we pray that God would use is powers to heal this women.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Doctors appointment
Got to hear the baby's heartbeat again this afternoon. Still beating strong at around the 150's. Nick and I are so excited, we are really starting to have talks about this baby. Thinking about the future we pray everyday to have with this child. I'm beginning to think about the kind of Mom I want to be, and imagining how great Nick is going to be as a Dad. Although we know our life is never going to be the same (no more sleeping in) we know its for the better. we are happy to make the necessary sacrifices for this child.
Not that it matters either way, we get to find out the gender of the baby in 4 weeks. Then on to painting the baby's room, and looking for those cute little outfits that we can't live without. Can't wait!!!
This past week has for the most part been a good week. Best I have felt since finding out we were expecting. We got a chance to go to the beach for a couple of days and mainly just relax. I did get sick one night out of the blue, because I had felt great prior too. The last day at the beach it was just too hot to be out on the beach, luckily where we stayed, we had a pool!!! God has blessed so much more than what we deserve and I have a feeling things are only going to get better.
I've already started to show a little bit, but it just mainly looks like I have a chubby belly. Will need to go shopping for some clothes soon, Nick should have fun with that.
Not that it matters either way, we get to find out the gender of the baby in 4 weeks. Then on to painting the baby's room, and looking for those cute little outfits that we can't live without. Can't wait!!!
This past week has for the most part been a good week. Best I have felt since finding out we were expecting. We got a chance to go to the beach for a couple of days and mainly just relax. I did get sick one night out of the blue, because I had felt great prior too. The last day at the beach it was just too hot to be out on the beach, luckily where we stayed, we had a pool!!! God has blessed so much more than what we deserve and I have a feeling things are only going to get better.
I've already started to show a little bit, but it just mainly looks like I have a chubby belly. Will need to go shopping for some clothes soon, Nick should have fun with that.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
We've made it to 12 weeks!!!!!
We have made it to 12 weeks!!! I never thought we would get this far. Praise God, I really don't need to say anymore. Only God has made this possible. I pray He continues to give us (baby & mommy) the care we need. I pray that God will raise me and Nick up to be the Godly parents we need to be for this child.
You know you are 12 weeks pregnant when......
1. You think, has it only been 12 weeks and how many more weeks do I have
2. You cry over the stupidest things on TV
3. Even though no one knows your pregnant, you think everyone is looking at your stomach
4. Your clothes are no longer fitting properly and yet you are too small for maternity clothes and you think what am I suppose to do about this.
5. You are already having a tough time sleeping
6. You are having "Hot Flashes"
7. You are hungry, but you don't want anything to eat (nausea)
8. You almost throw-up everytime you brush your teeth, and they stress how important dental care is during pregnancy.
9. You get headaches even when The Husband isn't around :)
Want to wish my mommmy a very Happy Birthday today, I love you!!!!
You know you are 12 weeks pregnant when......
1. You think, has it only been 12 weeks and how many more weeks do I have
2. You cry over the stupidest things on TV
3. Even though no one knows your pregnant, you think everyone is looking at your stomach
4. Your clothes are no longer fitting properly and yet you are too small for maternity clothes and you think what am I suppose to do about this.
5. You are already having a tough time sleeping
6. You are having "Hot Flashes"
7. You are hungry, but you don't want anything to eat (nausea)
8. You almost throw-up everytime you brush your teeth, and they stress how important dental care is during pregnancy.
9. You get headaches even when The Husband isn't around :)
Want to wish my mommmy a very Happy Birthday today, I love you!!!!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
160+ Strong
Went back to NASH-OBGYN today to see if we can hear the Baby's heartbeat using the Doppler. It was a success, although it took the Doctor a few minutes to actually find the heartbeat. She said the heart rate was in the 160's which is great. So the baby is still doing good, but mommy (me) is not doing good at all. I went to my regular doctor yesterday because I knew I was getting a sinus infection, what I did not know is I also developed ulcers on my throat. Talk about pain. I can't eat, drink, or even breathe without being in constant pain. The Doctor gave me an antibiotic for the sinus infection, but could not give me anything for the ulcers.
When I went to my appointment today I felt worse, so the doctor checked me out to make sure I was not developing pneumonia. She said my lungs sounded clear but gave me a stronger antibiotic to make sure pneumonia did not developed. That's scary. I told her do whatever so I can feel better, and make sure the baby will be ok as well. Feeling more nauseated and I've been getting a lot of headaches as well. But other than that all is well. THANK GOD!!!
When I went to my appointment today I felt worse, so the doctor checked me out to make sure I was not developing pneumonia. She said my lungs sounded clear but gave me a stronger antibiotic to make sure pneumonia did not developed. That's scary. I told her do whatever so I can feel better, and make sure the baby will be ok as well. Feeling more nauseated and I've been getting a lot of headaches as well. But other than that all is well. THANK GOD!!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
What a night!!!!
So far this pregnancy has been pretty good. I can't complain too much. I thought taking the extra Progesterone pills was going to make my pregnancy symptoms more prominent, but so far it has not. Yesterday made exactly 10 weeks, and Nick and I are so excited to have made it this far in the pregnancy. We are counting down the days til 12 weeks, once you get to twelve weeks the chances for a miscarriage drop significantly.
Last night, I started dreaming that I was throwing-up which is very weird, I guess it was one of those crazy pregnancy dreams. The problem though was when I woke up at 3:00 am in the morning and felt like I was going to throw-up. I tried to lay down on my stomach hoping that would make me feel better, but it made it worse. I got up and ran to the bathroom, and had to make a quick decision,, do I throw-up in the toilet or the bathtub. I choose the bathtub, the thought of sticking my head on the toilet was enough to make me throw-up more. Sure enough as soon as I got to the tub, I immediately started throwing-up. If you know me, you know that I absolutely HATE throwing-up and it always makes me cry. I did not handle the situation as graceful as I wanted. I was so loud, it woke Nick up, he did not know what was going on. I think I freaked him out a little bit. I threw-up at least four times back to back, til there was nothing left to throw-up.
All the stomach acid that came up left my throat on fire. After all the excitement was over Nick went back to bed and I went to eat a pack of crackers. I learned my lesson, next time before I go to bed, I'm going to make sure I'm not hungry. It was completely my fault, because I should have known not to go to bed on an empty stomach. My baby let me know very quickly that they were not happy with me for not eating enough before bed.
Other than being extremely tired all the time, this pregnancy has been very good. I've been able to hide it from everybody. Hopefully in two weeks, we will get to tell everybody. Thanking God for His many blessing and for a easy pregnancy so far.
This week I celebrated another Birthday. I'm happy that God has allowed me another year on this Earth, but it was a little bittersweet for me. I never thought I would be celebrating my 26Th Birthday not being a mother. I know I have a baby on the way, but losing two babies already, I should have been celebrating a baby that would have been turning 1 in June as well. My second baby, I should be 7 1/2 months pregnant this month. Its hard to celebrate, when you look and see everything that you should have with you, but was robbed the chance to have that joy. I'm not bitter about losing my two babies, I just see the void and its hard to get overly joyful about holidays and birthdays, though I am thankful for everyone God has given me. I know its complicated.
I'm so thankful to have such an amazing husband that gets me. One that would get up at 3 in the morning and watch their wife puke her brains out. He definitely makes things easier and can always make a joke when I need a laugh. I love him and I know I count on him in any situation.
Last night, I started dreaming that I was throwing-up which is very weird, I guess it was one of those crazy pregnancy dreams. The problem though was when I woke up at 3:00 am in the morning and felt like I was going to throw-up. I tried to lay down on my stomach hoping that would make me feel better, but it made it worse. I got up and ran to the bathroom, and had to make a quick decision,, do I throw-up in the toilet or the bathtub. I choose the bathtub, the thought of sticking my head on the toilet was enough to make me throw-up more. Sure enough as soon as I got to the tub, I immediately started throwing-up. If you know me, you know that I absolutely HATE throwing-up and it always makes me cry. I did not handle the situation as graceful as I wanted. I was so loud, it woke Nick up, he did not know what was going on. I think I freaked him out a little bit. I threw-up at least four times back to back, til there was nothing left to throw-up.
All the stomach acid that came up left my throat on fire. After all the excitement was over Nick went back to bed and I went to eat a pack of crackers. I learned my lesson, next time before I go to bed, I'm going to make sure I'm not hungry. It was completely my fault, because I should have known not to go to bed on an empty stomach. My baby let me know very quickly that they were not happy with me for not eating enough before bed.
Other than being extremely tired all the time, this pregnancy has been very good. I've been able to hide it from everybody. Hopefully in two weeks, we will get to tell everybody. Thanking God for His many blessing and for a easy pregnancy so far.
This week I celebrated another Birthday. I'm happy that God has allowed me another year on this Earth, but it was a little bittersweet for me. I never thought I would be celebrating my 26Th Birthday not being a mother. I know I have a baby on the way, but losing two babies already, I should have been celebrating a baby that would have been turning 1 in June as well. My second baby, I should be 7 1/2 months pregnant this month. Its hard to celebrate, when you look and see everything that you should have with you, but was robbed the chance to have that joy. I'm not bitter about losing my two babies, I just see the void and its hard to get overly joyful about holidays and birthdays, though I am thankful for everyone God has given me. I know its complicated.
I'm so thankful to have such an amazing husband that gets me. One that would get up at 3 in the morning and watch their wife puke her brains out. He definitely makes things easier and can always make a joke when I need a laugh. I love him and I know I count on him in any situation.
Friday, June 11, 2010
9 week Ultrasound
So Nick and I went to the ultrasound we were dreading. We have prayed vigorously about this particular appointment. We had our Pastor pray for us. And the weirdest incident was when one of Nick's coworkers came by and asked Nick if she could pray for him. He of course said yes, and this lady began praying for Nick and his wife and for their unborn baby. Nick and I have not told anyone except our Pastor. The lady said the Holy Spirit told her to stop by and pray for us. She asked the Lord to be with our child and allow the baby to grow to full-term. It brought chills to my arm and it made me cry. God does answer prayers and allows the Holy Spirit to guide you, you just have to willing to follow. I want to personally thank this women for her boldness and for her desire to please the Lord.
Our ultrasound was a success!!!! The baby is measuring right on target and most importantly the baby heart is beating at an amazing 178 BPM!!!! I could not believe it. I was in such a joyful mood, when I went to the bathroom, I forgot to pee in the cup. I felt so stupid, but could not help but laugh at myself. So I had to wait until I had to go again, which thankfully being pregnant that is not very long. I will go in two weeks to hear the heartbeat on a Doppler, just another precaution that Nick and I will definitely do. Why not, another chance to hear that joyful sound of your child's heart beating. Nick and I are slowly taking our wall down around our hearts. We were for the first time able to be happy about this pregnancy. We made it the furthest we have ever been in any of our pregnancies. With God in control, we know we are in good hands.
Now on to announcing this wonderful news of our baby, we are still going to wait til the 12 weeks, just the make sure. We might go ahead and tell our parents, but have not made that decision quite yet.
Our ultrasound was a success!!!! The baby is measuring right on target and most importantly the baby heart is beating at an amazing 178 BPM!!!! I could not believe it. I was in such a joyful mood, when I went to the bathroom, I forgot to pee in the cup. I felt so stupid, but could not help but laugh at myself. So I had to wait until I had to go again, which thankfully being pregnant that is not very long. I will go in two weeks to hear the heartbeat on a Doppler, just another precaution that Nick and I will definitely do. Why not, another chance to hear that joyful sound of your child's heart beating. Nick and I are slowly taking our wall down around our hearts. We were for the first time able to be happy about this pregnancy. We made it the furthest we have ever been in any of our pregnancies. With God in control, we know we are in good hands.
Now on to announcing this wonderful news of our baby, we are still going to wait til the 12 weeks, just the make sure. We might go ahead and tell our parents, but have not made that decision quite yet.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My Second Baby
So, today starts my 8th week of pregnancy. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Nick and I finally decided that we wanted to start our family officially this time in July, 2009. Every month I would hope and pray that my cycle would not come. It took 3 months of trying for us to conceive. That pregnancy test was so exciting. Like I said in my first pregnancy I never took a pregnancy test. We were so happy. I remember that day at work I know I was smiling all day long. We immediately made an appointment with my doctor to verify what we already knew was true. My doctor was so happy as well, I will never forget what she said, "It's so nice to finally give the news of a baby to a well deserving couple. A couple that is going to love and raise a child like they are suppose too."
We got home and decided we would go ahead and tell our parents about the baby. So Nick and I went to Hallmark to pick out a keepsake item for our Moms. We settle on a little frame that said, "Ga-ga is for Grandma." Very cute. We then went to Target to pick out a pregnancy journal to document our day-to-day pregnancy. Then it was off to my mom and dad's. It was so funny, giving my mom the frame she immediately started crying and hugging me. That left my dad confused and asking Nick what was going on. If you know my dad, that does not surprise you. We left my moms and went to Nick's mom's house to tell her, she was so happy and hugged us both. We told Nick's dad the next day. I was a little reserved wanting to tell people, just because of our first lost. But Nick and I were a still a little naive about the chances of having another miscarriage.
We waited to make an appointment with my OB doctor. I did not know where to start in picking the doctor that would see us through the next 9 months. I had so many people recommend Nash OBGYN and so that's where we went. We went for the history appointment and they scheduled us our first ultrasound the following week. I had just a drop of spotting a few days before our appointment. I stayed home from work that day, just to make sure I took it easy. I don't even think I had any cramping. Everything went away and I did not think anything else about it. On December 16, 2009 I was 8 1/2 weeks pregnant when we went to our first ultrasound. Nick and I were so excited to be able to see our baby and maybe even hear the heartbeat. It never occurred to us that there would be something wrong. With-in seconds of the ultrasound Nick and I knew something was not right. The nurse was acting strange and then she just started telling us she was sorry over and over. She said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but your baby does not have a heartbeat." I immediately started crying and she continued to show us things that further proved that the baby stopped developing. I just could not believe the perfect looking baby on the screen was no longer alive. The baby was just as still and what little Nick and I knew of ultrasounds, our baby should have been moving. The doctor came in ( I will not tell his name just because of the many errors he made with my miscarriage) and confirmed what the nurse had told us. They left us so we could get ourselves together to speak with the doctor in his office. We had to WAIT forever. I wanted to leave immediately and instead of getting to us quick and letting us leave, they made us wait forever. We were the very last people to leave the office.
I know Doctors see this kind of situation often, but a little compassion would have been nice. The Doctor immediately started talking options, when Nick and I were not even sure the ultrasound was accurate. We were so devastated and still had hope that it was all wrong. Nick and I also believe in an all powerful God that can make anything happen. If God wanted to He could start our Baby's heart beating again. That was our prayer, that the Doctor was wrong or for God to give us a miracle.
The Doctor wanted me to have a D&C because the Baby showed no sign of miscarrying on its own. I absolutely was not going to have a D&C. I know that it would not be an abortion if I allowed the doctor to do it, but its the same surgery they do for an abortion. I could not allow myself to go through the same process they do during an abortion. Also, God gave me this Baby in His time and I wanted God to take this Baby in His time. I know this Doctor was getting annoyed by us. Well he sent us home to think about everything. I was still not convinced that the Baby was gone. I wanted to have another ultrasound in a week just to make sure. The Doctor suggested they do blood work instead to see if my levels were dropping. So I went back twice to check my levels and it did show that my levels were decreasing. I still was not satisfied, if they wanted me to do something to make the miscarriage happen faster they were going to have to give me another ultrasound. The Doctor acted like I could not have one. He gave me excuse after excuse. From it cost too much, and when we said we did not care if we had to pay out of pocket. Then he said all ultrasounds were booked up. Nick finally stepped in and demanded we get an ultrasound. So we finally got another ultrasound and it again showed the same thing. The baby was the same size it was a week earlier and there was no heartbeat. The second ultrasound was not as hard to deal with, just because it was just to make 100% sure the baby was no longer alive.
We went to talk to the doctor again and I told him I was still not going to have a D&C, but I asked was there something else I could do to speed up the miscarriage. He gave my a couple of pills that would induce labor. He told me to take the pills before I went to bed, so I could sleep through the what he like to call "cramps." Nick was leaving to go to "Winterfest" with our Youth Group the next day and so on December 29 I took those pills immediately so everything could be over with before he left to go out of state. I love a mans idea of what a cramp is, those were not cramps, those were contractions. It took about three hours for the pain to really kick-in and before the night was over, I wanted it all to end. After all the pain and things I don't even want to describe was over, I told Nick I did not think the baby came out. But everything stopped hurting and everything seemed to be fine.
Nick got up the next day after one on the worst nights either one of us had ever experience, to leave me for three days. I never knew how much I needed Nick and how much I was going to miss him, until he walked out the door. If Christmas wasn't all ready bad enough, knowing your baby is not longer alive, imagine spending New Year's all alone for the first time. That was one of my worst nights I had ever had. I was all alone, grieving the lost of my second baby and to my surprise I started cramping again around midnight. I thought it was just a side effect after all the trauma my body had been through the last couple of days. I slept with a heating pad all night, took some medicine and nothing was stopping the pain. I knew Nick was traveling home the next day, so I did not want to call him and make him worry, so I did not tell him. I called Nick about an hour before he was going to be home, I was crying and in a lot of pain. I told Nick I thought I was going to have to go the Emergency Room. I told him the pain was just as bad as the other night, and I knew that I did not fully miscarried the first time. I begged him to hurry up and get home. I thought I was going to have to drive myself to the hospital, but to be honest I don't think I would have made it, the pain had me where I could not even talk, much less drive 25 miles to get to the hospital.
I called the after hours line to NASH-OBGYN and the doctor on call called me in some pain medicine and he agreed that he did not think the miscarried happened the first night. He told me to try to stick it out and not go the ER because he felt I could handle this on my own. I wish My first doctor would have given me some pain medicine, that would have been too nice. When Nick got home, he just couldn't believe it was happening again. The second time, I had lost all my patience and I did not handle it good at all. I was so angry. Angry that I lost another baby, angry that I was going through all this pain all over again, angry at my idiot doctor for not being more specific in what I was going to experience with this miscarriage. By the end of the night, I officially had my miscarriage. What a great way to start off a New Year.
The Doctor did not tell me to come in the next day after everything was over instead we were schedule to come in about a week later. I told the doctor I know at least 3 times that I was RH negative and Nick is RH positive, and because of that I would have to get a shot to protect any future pregnancies. With the baby most likely having a different blood factor than me, my body would treat it as a foreign object and attack any future pregnancies, if I did not get the shot in less than two days from losing the baby. So when I came in a week later I asked him about the shot, and he said I was too late. The shot would not do me any good now. Nick and I were now to the point where we were fed up with this Doctor. I let him know that I told him many times that I needed to get that shot, and his response was he forgot. Then he wanted to make it out like it wasn't a big deal that the chances of my blood and the baby's blood mixing was very low. I told him that was something I should not even have to worry about for my next pregnancy. Like my pregnancies are not already stressful enough, he gave me something else to have to worry about. Needless to say that was the last time I will ever go to him for anything. I was ready to leave this clinic, but I wanted the manager to be aware of this Doctor. I did not want someone else to go through the same mistakes he made on us. I talked to the office manager on the phone and she handled things the way I thought the situation should be handled. I told her I was looking somewhere else to go, and she said to give them one more try. She recommended this very intelligent, sweet Doctor, that (though she is not a specialist) knows alot about doing testing on women who frequently miscarried. We met with her and she was great from the start. She talked to us, and answered every question we had with compassion. She went ahead and tested me to make sure my body had not built up antibodies that would attack the next pregnancy and thankfully I tested negative. The first Doctor did not even know you could test to see if antibodies had started forming. She did alot more blood work that would test for general things that usually make a women miscarry unfortunately I tested negative for everything. Which means other than guessing they have no real answer to why I keep losing my babies. Like I said before they believe I have low progesterone and my body can't sustain a pregnancy. I am extremely happy with my new doctor, and by God's grace, she will be the one who delivers this baby and any other future babies Nick and I will have. Continue to pray for us and for our baby.
We got home and decided we would go ahead and tell our parents about the baby. So Nick and I went to Hallmark to pick out a keepsake item for our Moms. We settle on a little frame that said, "Ga-ga is for Grandma." Very cute. We then went to Target to pick out a pregnancy journal to document our day-to-day pregnancy. Then it was off to my mom and dad's. It was so funny, giving my mom the frame she immediately started crying and hugging me. That left my dad confused and asking Nick what was going on. If you know my dad, that does not surprise you. We left my moms and went to Nick's mom's house to tell her, she was so happy and hugged us both. We told Nick's dad the next day. I was a little reserved wanting to tell people, just because of our first lost. But Nick and I were a still a little naive about the chances of having another miscarriage.
We waited to make an appointment with my OB doctor. I did not know where to start in picking the doctor that would see us through the next 9 months. I had so many people recommend Nash OBGYN and so that's where we went. We went for the history appointment and they scheduled us our first ultrasound the following week. I had just a drop of spotting a few days before our appointment. I stayed home from work that day, just to make sure I took it easy. I don't even think I had any cramping. Everything went away and I did not think anything else about it. On December 16, 2009 I was 8 1/2 weeks pregnant when we went to our first ultrasound. Nick and I were so excited to be able to see our baby and maybe even hear the heartbeat. It never occurred to us that there would be something wrong. With-in seconds of the ultrasound Nick and I knew something was not right. The nurse was acting strange and then she just started telling us she was sorry over and over. She said, "I know you don't want to hear this, but your baby does not have a heartbeat." I immediately started crying and she continued to show us things that further proved that the baby stopped developing. I just could not believe the perfect looking baby on the screen was no longer alive. The baby was just as still and what little Nick and I knew of ultrasounds, our baby should have been moving. The doctor came in ( I will not tell his name just because of the many errors he made with my miscarriage) and confirmed what the nurse had told us. They left us so we could get ourselves together to speak with the doctor in his office. We had to WAIT forever. I wanted to leave immediately and instead of getting to us quick and letting us leave, they made us wait forever. We were the very last people to leave the office.
I know Doctors see this kind of situation often, but a little compassion would have been nice. The Doctor immediately started talking options, when Nick and I were not even sure the ultrasound was accurate. We were so devastated and still had hope that it was all wrong. Nick and I also believe in an all powerful God that can make anything happen. If God wanted to He could start our Baby's heart beating again. That was our prayer, that the Doctor was wrong or for God to give us a miracle.
The Doctor wanted me to have a D&C because the Baby showed no sign of miscarrying on its own. I absolutely was not going to have a D&C. I know that it would not be an abortion if I allowed the doctor to do it, but its the same surgery they do for an abortion. I could not allow myself to go through the same process they do during an abortion. Also, God gave me this Baby in His time and I wanted God to take this Baby in His time. I know this Doctor was getting annoyed by us. Well he sent us home to think about everything. I was still not convinced that the Baby was gone. I wanted to have another ultrasound in a week just to make sure. The Doctor suggested they do blood work instead to see if my levels were dropping. So I went back twice to check my levels and it did show that my levels were decreasing. I still was not satisfied, if they wanted me to do something to make the miscarriage happen faster they were going to have to give me another ultrasound. The Doctor acted like I could not have one. He gave me excuse after excuse. From it cost too much, and when we said we did not care if we had to pay out of pocket. Then he said all ultrasounds were booked up. Nick finally stepped in and demanded we get an ultrasound. So we finally got another ultrasound and it again showed the same thing. The baby was the same size it was a week earlier and there was no heartbeat. The second ultrasound was not as hard to deal with, just because it was just to make 100% sure the baby was no longer alive.
We went to talk to the doctor again and I told him I was still not going to have a D&C, but I asked was there something else I could do to speed up the miscarriage. He gave my a couple of pills that would induce labor. He told me to take the pills before I went to bed, so I could sleep through the what he like to call "cramps." Nick was leaving to go to "Winterfest" with our Youth Group the next day and so on December 29 I took those pills immediately so everything could be over with before he left to go out of state. I love a mans idea of what a cramp is, those were not cramps, those were contractions. It took about three hours for the pain to really kick-in and before the night was over, I wanted it all to end. After all the pain and things I don't even want to describe was over, I told Nick I did not think the baby came out. But everything stopped hurting and everything seemed to be fine.
Nick got up the next day after one on the worst nights either one of us had ever experience, to leave me for three days. I never knew how much I needed Nick and how much I was going to miss him, until he walked out the door. If Christmas wasn't all ready bad enough, knowing your baby is not longer alive, imagine spending New Year's all alone for the first time. That was one of my worst nights I had ever had. I was all alone, grieving the lost of my second baby and to my surprise I started cramping again around midnight. I thought it was just a side effect after all the trauma my body had been through the last couple of days. I slept with a heating pad all night, took some medicine and nothing was stopping the pain. I knew Nick was traveling home the next day, so I did not want to call him and make him worry, so I did not tell him. I called Nick about an hour before he was going to be home, I was crying and in a lot of pain. I told Nick I thought I was going to have to go the Emergency Room. I told him the pain was just as bad as the other night, and I knew that I did not fully miscarried the first time. I begged him to hurry up and get home. I thought I was going to have to drive myself to the hospital, but to be honest I don't think I would have made it, the pain had me where I could not even talk, much less drive 25 miles to get to the hospital.
I called the after hours line to NASH-OBGYN and the doctor on call called me in some pain medicine and he agreed that he did not think the miscarried happened the first night. He told me to try to stick it out and not go the ER because he felt I could handle this on my own. I wish My first doctor would have given me some pain medicine, that would have been too nice. When Nick got home, he just couldn't believe it was happening again. The second time, I had lost all my patience and I did not handle it good at all. I was so angry. Angry that I lost another baby, angry that I was going through all this pain all over again, angry at my idiot doctor for not being more specific in what I was going to experience with this miscarriage. By the end of the night, I officially had my miscarriage. What a great way to start off a New Year.
The Doctor did not tell me to come in the next day after everything was over instead we were schedule to come in about a week later. I told the doctor I know at least 3 times that I was RH negative and Nick is RH positive, and because of that I would have to get a shot to protect any future pregnancies. With the baby most likely having a different blood factor than me, my body would treat it as a foreign object and attack any future pregnancies, if I did not get the shot in less than two days from losing the baby. So when I came in a week later I asked him about the shot, and he said I was too late. The shot would not do me any good now. Nick and I were now to the point where we were fed up with this Doctor. I let him know that I told him many times that I needed to get that shot, and his response was he forgot. Then he wanted to make it out like it wasn't a big deal that the chances of my blood and the baby's blood mixing was very low. I told him that was something I should not even have to worry about for my next pregnancy. Like my pregnancies are not already stressful enough, he gave me something else to have to worry about. Needless to say that was the last time I will ever go to him for anything. I was ready to leave this clinic, but I wanted the manager to be aware of this Doctor. I did not want someone else to go through the same mistakes he made on us. I talked to the office manager on the phone and she handled things the way I thought the situation should be handled. I told her I was looking somewhere else to go, and she said to give them one more try. She recommended this very intelligent, sweet Doctor, that (though she is not a specialist) knows alot about doing testing on women who frequently miscarried. We met with her and she was great from the start. She talked to us, and answered every question we had with compassion. She went ahead and tested me to make sure my body had not built up antibodies that would attack the next pregnancy and thankfully I tested negative. The first Doctor did not even know you could test to see if antibodies had started forming. She did alot more blood work that would test for general things that usually make a women miscarry unfortunately I tested negative for everything. Which means other than guessing they have no real answer to why I keep losing my babies. Like I said before they believe I have low progesterone and my body can't sustain a pregnancy. I am extremely happy with my new doctor, and by God's grace, she will be the one who delivers this baby and any other future babies Nick and I will have. Continue to pray for us and for our baby.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Guess who has a heartbeat!!!!
Nick and I went to our first ultrasound today. I am exactly 6 weeks and 6 days today. My doctor wanted me to have an early ultrasound to monitor how things are progressing. Our baby has an HEARTBEAT!!!! The baby's heart is pumping at an amazing 122 BPM. Anything over 90 is considered a good heartbeat. Oh and "our little bean" is measuring at 5mm which is the size of a grain of rice. Doctor said everything was looking good as far as she can tell. Its just going to be a waiting game.
Today Nick and I got a chance to see what we did not get to see with either of our other two babies. It was such a relief and an amazing thing to watch. Unfortunately we did not get to HEAR the baby's heartbeat, because the baby is to small for the sound to pick up. Thanking God for his "Miracles" whether or not we ever get to meet them.
While pulling into the doctors office Nick and I heard the song by Casting Crowns, "Praise you in this Storm." We both kind of looked at each other and had an uneasy feeling about the irony of the timing of that song playing. I still cannot listen to that song and not cry. Nick and I think of our two babies we've lost everytime we hear that song. I asked Nick if he thought God was trying to tell us something. We were already a nervous wreck about the whole appointment. Last time we went to our first ultrasound the baby did not have a heartbeat.
I pray to God everyday:
*For Our Two Angel Babies in Heaven
*thanking Him for blessing us with another baby
*For a healthy baby
*and a healthy Momma (me)
Today Nick and I got a chance to see what we did not get to see with either of our other two babies. It was such a relief and an amazing thing to watch. Unfortunately we did not get to HEAR the baby's heartbeat, because the baby is to small for the sound to pick up. Thanking God for his "Miracles" whether or not we ever get to meet them.
While pulling into the doctors office Nick and I heard the song by Casting Crowns, "Praise you in this Storm." We both kind of looked at each other and had an uneasy feeling about the irony of the timing of that song playing. I still cannot listen to that song and not cry. Nick and I think of our two babies we've lost everytime we hear that song. I asked Nick if he thought God was trying to tell us something. We were already a nervous wreck about the whole appointment. Last time we went to our first ultrasound the baby did not have a heartbeat.
I pray to God everyday:
*For Our Two Angel Babies in Heaven
*thanking Him for blessing us with another baby
*For a healthy baby
*and a healthy Momma (me)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My First Loss
Reader discloser (contains some graphic descriptions)
I don't even know where to start. My first pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We didn't even know we were pregnant until we found out we had lost the baby. I was in the process of starting a new Birth Control and had went two or three months not using birth control. Nick and I were not trying to get pregnant. Earlier in the month, I had a suspicion that I was indeed pregnant, but I never got the chance to take a pregnancy test.
October 17, 2008 started out like any other day. I got up to go to work on a teacher workday and started what I thought was my period. I was not surprise because I had started a new birth control and that was the day I had expected my period to happen. I went on to work and other than some cramps, nothing else seem out of the ordinary.
Nick came by around 1, for us to go get something to eat and then off to his doctors appointment. We went to Bojangles, this use to be Nick's and I favorite restaurant, now the thought of eating it makes my stomach turn. We went on to Nick's appointment. He was schedule to get an allergy test done. For those of you who don't know how this is done, the nurse pricked Nick with over 70 needles to find out what exactly he is allergic too. Before the nurse could begin, I had already ran to the bathroom probably three times with an upset stomach. I still did not think nothing of it.
Nick found out that he was allergic to just about everything on Earth. He is allergic to trees and grass, I mean how do you even live being allergic to those. Anyway, the doctor recommended doing a thorough cleaning of the bedroom. So we went home and started cleaning up. Our goal was to get up as much of Shandi's (our dog) hair that we could. Shandi sleeps with us so you can imagine how much hair is actually in our bedroom. My stomach was still very uneasy, but other than that I was OK.
After cleaning for awhile, we had to stop and go the funeral home. One of our youth's Grandma had passed away and we went to show our respect. When we got back we went back to cleaning. This is when things got bad. I remember dusting our dresser and feeling this awful pain and feeling like something had fell out of me. The pain went away immediately afterwards so I continued dusting. It wasn't until Nick and I were getting ready for bed that I realized what had actually took place. I started my bath water and Nick went to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw what came out. At the time I told myself it was nothing. In my heart I knew exactly what it was. My baby had came out, though it did not look anything like a baby. It look just like some fleshy tissue. I looked at it for what seemed like forever before i called Nick into the bathroom to show him. Nick looked at it and did not know what to think. I told him that this was not normal and it had never happened before. I told him that I thought I just had a miscarriage but neither one of us could believe it. I took the tissue and put it in a container to take it so the Doctor could examine it. Since it was already so late, we decided to go on to bed. We would get up early in the morning and go to Urgent Care.
The next morning we got up early, I'm not even sure I even slept that night. We went straight to Urgent Care and they immediately sent us to the Emergency Room. They told us just in case the baby did not fully come out, the Emergency room was equip to do surgery if that needed to be done. We went on the Emergency Room where Nick and I had to wait hours to be seen by the doctor. We told the doctor what had happened and show him the container. That's when he confirmed that we did infact lose our baby. The baby we did not even know we had. The doctor and nurses were awful. They had no compassion and pretty much told us it was no need to cry. After hours at the ER they finally gave me an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that the baby did in fact miscarried all the way, so no surgery was required. I guess that was the best news we got that whole entire day. Then we left to go back home to pick up the pieces of our broken heart.
We don't know exactly when we conceived, but we do know it was sometime in September. So Nick and I would have had a baby due in the month of June. June babies are the best (I'm a June baby).
I don't even know where to start. My first pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We didn't even know we were pregnant until we found out we had lost the baby. I was in the process of starting a new Birth Control and had went two or three months not using birth control. Nick and I were not trying to get pregnant. Earlier in the month, I had a suspicion that I was indeed pregnant, but I never got the chance to take a pregnancy test.
October 17, 2008 started out like any other day. I got up to go to work on a teacher workday and started what I thought was my period. I was not surprise because I had started a new birth control and that was the day I had expected my period to happen. I went on to work and other than some cramps, nothing else seem out of the ordinary.
Nick came by around 1, for us to go get something to eat and then off to his doctors appointment. We went to Bojangles, this use to be Nick's and I favorite restaurant, now the thought of eating it makes my stomach turn. We went on to Nick's appointment. He was schedule to get an allergy test done. For those of you who don't know how this is done, the nurse pricked Nick with over 70 needles to find out what exactly he is allergic too. Before the nurse could begin, I had already ran to the bathroom probably three times with an upset stomach. I still did not think nothing of it.
Nick found out that he was allergic to just about everything on Earth. He is allergic to trees and grass, I mean how do you even live being allergic to those. Anyway, the doctor recommended doing a thorough cleaning of the bedroom. So we went home and started cleaning up. Our goal was to get up as much of Shandi's (our dog) hair that we could. Shandi sleeps with us so you can imagine how much hair is actually in our bedroom. My stomach was still very uneasy, but other than that I was OK.
After cleaning for awhile, we had to stop and go the funeral home. One of our youth's Grandma had passed away and we went to show our respect. When we got back we went back to cleaning. This is when things got bad. I remember dusting our dresser and feeling this awful pain and feeling like something had fell out of me. The pain went away immediately afterwards so I continued dusting. It wasn't until Nick and I were getting ready for bed that I realized what had actually took place. I started my bath water and Nick went to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw what came out. At the time I told myself it was nothing. In my heart I knew exactly what it was. My baby had came out, though it did not look anything like a baby. It look just like some fleshy tissue. I looked at it for what seemed like forever before i called Nick into the bathroom to show him. Nick looked at it and did not know what to think. I told him that this was not normal and it had never happened before. I told him that I thought I just had a miscarriage but neither one of us could believe it. I took the tissue and put it in a container to take it so the Doctor could examine it. Since it was already so late, we decided to go on to bed. We would get up early in the morning and go to Urgent Care.
The next morning we got up early, I'm not even sure I even slept that night. We went straight to Urgent Care and they immediately sent us to the Emergency Room. They told us just in case the baby did not fully come out, the Emergency room was equip to do surgery if that needed to be done. We went on the Emergency Room where Nick and I had to wait hours to be seen by the doctor. We told the doctor what had happened and show him the container. That's when he confirmed that we did infact lose our baby. The baby we did not even know we had. The doctor and nurses were awful. They had no compassion and pretty much told us it was no need to cry. After hours at the ER they finally gave me an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that the baby did in fact miscarried all the way, so no surgery was required. I guess that was the best news we got that whole entire day. Then we left to go back home to pick up the pieces of our broken heart.
We don't know exactly when we conceived, but we do know it was sometime in September. So Nick and I would have had a baby due in the month of June. June babies are the best (I'm a June baby).
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG)
I called my doctor today to find out the results from my blood work. Good news, my beta levels (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin better known as the pregnancy hormone) are doubling!!! That is great news. I wish I can get them check weekly, but I don't think the doctor is going to want me to do that. It's the only assurance I have that this pregnancy is doing what it is suppose to be doing at this stage. I hope and pray that my levels continue to double.
I am exactly 5 weeks today. My baby's heart should be beating already and I hope it continues to beat. On another note, my pregnancy symptoms are doubling as well. Today I think I could have easily gone to sleep at work. I am extremely tired. And tonight, I felt as though I was going to throw-up. Most women dread these things about the pregnancy. I say bring on the morning sickness, the fatigue and anything else I am suppose to experience. That means my baby is alive and healthy and growing.
I believe all babies are little miracles and gifts from God. I pray for "My Little Miracle" everyday. Pray this is "The One" I get to take home from the hospital. "The One" Nick and I get to hold in our arms. "The One" we will actually get to name and love with all our hearts. Still praying for "My Miracle."
I am exactly 5 weeks today. My baby's heart should be beating already and I hope it continues to beat. On another note, my pregnancy symptoms are doubling as well. Today I think I could have easily gone to sleep at work. I am extremely tired. And tonight, I felt as though I was going to throw-up. Most women dread these things about the pregnancy. I say bring on the morning sickness, the fatigue and anything else I am suppose to experience. That means my baby is alive and healthy and growing.
I believe all babies are little miracles and gifts from God. I pray for "My Little Miracle" everyday. Pray this is "The One" I get to take home from the hospital. "The One" Nick and I get to hold in our arms. "The One" we will actually get to name and love with all our hearts. Still praying for "My Miracle."
Monday, May 10, 2010
First Prenatal Appointment
Nick and I went to the first prenatal appointment. This appointment was mainly to go over our history. Things like what I'm allergic to, any medical problems past or present. History of deformities in either one of our families. But mostly our pregnancy history. Luckily it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. We had the same sweet nurse we had our last pregnancy and she remembered us. The nurse also had a miscarriage during her first pregnancy, so she understands what we are going through. I couldn't even get excited about this appointment. Heck, Nick and I can't even get excited about this pregnancy. I feel like we are putting a wall up over our heart just in case our worse nightmare happens again. I know that it will not matter if I'm joyful now or not, because its going to hurt bad either way.
I go back on Wednesday to check my hormone levels to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. Praying extra hard that they are doubling. We got a lot of books and planners and pamphlets to look over. Not sure whether or not I even want to look at them. Last time, i read everything as soon as I got home. I probably will, just so I can stay informed for my future appointments. Speaking of appointments, I'm scheduled on May 26 for my first ultrasound. I will hopefully be 7weeks pregnant, and I PRAY that we will finally get to see our baby's heartbeat. We never got that experience last time.
Sorry if this post sounds kind of depressing. It really was a good appointment and I look forward to future check-ups. As always, keep us in your prayers.
I go back on Wednesday to check my hormone levels to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. Praying extra hard that they are doubling. We got a lot of books and planners and pamphlets to look over. Not sure whether or not I even want to look at them. Last time, i read everything as soon as I got home. I probably will, just so I can stay informed for my future appointments. Speaking of appointments, I'm scheduled on May 26 for my first ultrasound. I will hopefully be 7weeks pregnant, and I PRAY that we will finally get to see our baby's heartbeat. We never got that experience last time.
Sorry if this post sounds kind of depressing. It really was a good appointment and I look forward to future check-ups. As always, keep us in your prayers.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Another Mother's Day
Wow, has it really been TWO Mother's day since my first miscarriage. So that means another Mother's Day church service, that I cried all the way through. Our church has this service every Mother's Day that gives a rose to the Mother that is the oldest, the Mother that is the youngest, and the Mother who has had the most kids. Then all Mothers get some kind of gift from the church. The past two years I would have won the rose for being the youngest mother. But I could not win, because my babies are not here with me. They never made it into this world. I wanted to stand up anyways, but I knew that it would just make it awkward for everyone else. I wouldn't want the mother that won to feel like I took something that was rightfully hers.
To make it even harder on me, they asked all the mothers to stand and the church gave them all a potted flower. It was so hard to just sit there while everyone around me had biggest smiles on their face receiving their flowers.
I thought today I wasn't going to cry since I am actually pregnant this Mother's Day, but I was wrong. It was just as bad because I wish I never lost my other two babies, and because no one knows I'm pregnant. I had only three people tell me Happy Mother's Day today. I might not have any children that I'm raising but I do have two that are in Heaven. I might not be a mother to society, but I am a mother in my heart.
After losing my last baby on New Year's Day, I was dreading this day. I prayed to God that he would bless us with another baby and I prayed it would happen before Mother's Day. God is so amazing because he did bless us with another baby, and I found out 4 days before Mother's Day.
So today I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers whether their children are here on earth or in Heaven. And a Happy Mother's Day to those Mothers that are not able to have their own children.
To make it even harder on me, they asked all the mothers to stand and the church gave them all a potted flower. It was so hard to just sit there while everyone around me had biggest smiles on their face receiving their flowers.
I thought today I wasn't going to cry since I am actually pregnant this Mother's Day, but I was wrong. It was just as bad because I wish I never lost my other two babies, and because no one knows I'm pregnant. I had only three people tell me Happy Mother's Day today. I might not have any children that I'm raising but I do have two that are in Heaven. I might not be a mother to society, but I am a mother in my heart.
After losing my last baby on New Year's Day, I was dreading this day. I prayed to God that he would bless us with another baby and I prayed it would happen before Mother's Day. God is so amazing because he did bless us with another baby, and I found out 4 days before Mother's Day.
So today I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers whether their children are here on earth or in Heaven. And a Happy Mother's Day to those Mothers that are not able to have their own children.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Cinco de Mayo
This blog is so not a "Shannon" thing. I have done a lot of things in the past year that are not "Shannon" things. I have just had so much happen that I've probably had a nervous breakdown (or something), because I am definetly not the person I use to be. This blog is my way of processing everything. Getting my thoughts out helps me make sense of my situation. For those of you who might read this (it might just be Nick and myself) and not know our story, I will briefly explain... We have lost two babies to miscarriages in a row. The first miscarriage happened on my dad's birthday, October 17, 2008. Our most recent miscarriage happened on New Year's Day of this year. As devestating as both were and still is, they both have very unique stories. I will get into those stories on another blog some other time.
Today is a day worth celebrating, no not because it's Cinco de Mayo, but because we just found out I'm PREGNANT again. I took a pregnancy test first thing this morning and had two lines, with one line being very faint. But as they say, "a line is a line." As happy as we both are, we can't help but think about the past that was not so long ago. I know I will be haunted by the possibilty of another miscarriage everyday. Praying daily for a healthy baby, and for a healthy mommy (me). It's hard to fathom being happy and scared at the exact same time, but thats how it is for us. My due date is January 13, 2011. I had to check to make sure it was not Friday the Thirteenth, we don't need anymore bad luck.
Pregnancy symptoms so far:
Extremely TIRED
A little nausea
Extra bathroom trips (#1 not #2)
Very little cramping
I know these symptoms are about to be kicked into high gear soon. As part of my medical plan to prevent another miscarriage, my doctor has prescribed Prometrium capsules. This is to give my body extra progestorone. The doctors think that my body does not produce enough progestorone to maintain a pregancy. I hope and pray they are right. These capsules are suppose to intensify pregnancy symptoms (so pray for Nick, he will definetly need them).
This blog will not be published for you to see until after I annouce our pregnancy to our family and friends. But when you do finally get to see, please keep us in your daily prayers.
Today is a day worth celebrating, no not because it's Cinco de Mayo, but because we just found out I'm PREGNANT again. I took a pregnancy test first thing this morning and had two lines, with one line being very faint. But as they say, "a line is a line." As happy as we both are, we can't help but think about the past that was not so long ago. I know I will be haunted by the possibilty of another miscarriage everyday. Praying daily for a healthy baby, and for a healthy mommy (me). It's hard to fathom being happy and scared at the exact same time, but thats how it is for us. My due date is January 13, 2011. I had to check to make sure it was not Friday the Thirteenth, we don't need anymore bad luck.
Pregnancy symptoms so far:
Extremely TIRED
A little nausea
Extra bathroom trips (#1 not #2)
Very little cramping
I know these symptoms are about to be kicked into high gear soon. As part of my medical plan to prevent another miscarriage, my doctor has prescribed Prometrium capsules. This is to give my body extra progestorone. The doctors think that my body does not produce enough progestorone to maintain a pregancy. I hope and pray they are right. These capsules are suppose to intensify pregnancy symptoms (so pray for Nick, he will definetly need them).
This blog will not be published for you to see until after I annouce our pregnancy to our family and friends. But when you do finally get to see, please keep us in your daily prayers.
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