Nick and I went to our first ultrasound today. I am exactly 6 weeks and 6 days today. My doctor wanted me to have an early ultrasound to monitor how things are progressing. Our baby has an HEARTBEAT!!!! The baby's heart is pumping at an amazing 122 BPM. Anything over 90 is considered a good heartbeat. Oh and "our little bean" is measuring at 5mm which is the size of a grain of rice. Doctor said everything was looking good as far as she can tell. Its just going to be a waiting game.
Today Nick and I got a chance to see what we did not get to see with either of our other two babies. It was such a relief and an amazing thing to watch. Unfortunately we did not get to HEAR the baby's heartbeat, because the baby is to small for the sound to pick up. Thanking God for his "Miracles" whether or not we ever get to meet them.
While pulling into the doctors office Nick and I heard the song by Casting Crowns, "Praise you in this Storm." We both kind of looked at each other and had an uneasy feeling about the irony of the timing of that song playing. I still cannot listen to that song and not cry. Nick and I think of our two babies we've lost everytime we hear that song. I asked Nick if he thought God was trying to tell us something. We were already a nervous wreck about the whole appointment. Last time we went to our first ultrasound the baby did not have a heartbeat.
I pray to God everyday:
*For Our Two Angel Babies in Heaven
*thanking Him for blessing us with another baby
*For a healthy baby
*and a healthy Momma (me)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My First Loss
Reader discloser (contains some graphic descriptions)
I don't even know where to start. My first pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We didn't even know we were pregnant until we found out we had lost the baby. I was in the process of starting a new Birth Control and had went two or three months not using birth control. Nick and I were not trying to get pregnant. Earlier in the month, I had a suspicion that I was indeed pregnant, but I never got the chance to take a pregnancy test.
October 17, 2008 started out like any other day. I got up to go to work on a teacher workday and started what I thought was my period. I was not surprise because I had started a new birth control and that was the day I had expected my period to happen. I went on to work and other than some cramps, nothing else seem out of the ordinary.
Nick came by around 1, for us to go get something to eat and then off to his doctors appointment. We went to Bojangles, this use to be Nick's and I favorite restaurant, now the thought of eating it makes my stomach turn. We went on to Nick's appointment. He was schedule to get an allergy test done. For those of you who don't know how this is done, the nurse pricked Nick with over 70 needles to find out what exactly he is allergic too. Before the nurse could begin, I had already ran to the bathroom probably three times with an upset stomach. I still did not think nothing of it.
Nick found out that he was allergic to just about everything on Earth. He is allergic to trees and grass, I mean how do you even live being allergic to those. Anyway, the doctor recommended doing a thorough cleaning of the bedroom. So we went home and started cleaning up. Our goal was to get up as much of Shandi's (our dog) hair that we could. Shandi sleeps with us so you can imagine how much hair is actually in our bedroom. My stomach was still very uneasy, but other than that I was OK.
After cleaning for awhile, we had to stop and go the funeral home. One of our youth's Grandma had passed away and we went to show our respect. When we got back we went back to cleaning. This is when things got bad. I remember dusting our dresser and feeling this awful pain and feeling like something had fell out of me. The pain went away immediately afterwards so I continued dusting. It wasn't until Nick and I were getting ready for bed that I realized what had actually took place. I started my bath water and Nick went to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw what came out. At the time I told myself it was nothing. In my heart I knew exactly what it was. My baby had came out, though it did not look anything like a baby. It look just like some fleshy tissue. I looked at it for what seemed like forever before i called Nick into the bathroom to show him. Nick looked at it and did not know what to think. I told him that this was not normal and it had never happened before. I told him that I thought I just had a miscarriage but neither one of us could believe it. I took the tissue and put it in a container to take it so the Doctor could examine it. Since it was already so late, we decided to go on to bed. We would get up early in the morning and go to Urgent Care.
The next morning we got up early, I'm not even sure I even slept that night. We went straight to Urgent Care and they immediately sent us to the Emergency Room. They told us just in case the baby did not fully come out, the Emergency room was equip to do surgery if that needed to be done. We went on the Emergency Room where Nick and I had to wait hours to be seen by the doctor. We told the doctor what had happened and show him the container. That's when he confirmed that we did infact lose our baby. The baby we did not even know we had. The doctor and nurses were awful. They had no compassion and pretty much told us it was no need to cry. After hours at the ER they finally gave me an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that the baby did in fact miscarried all the way, so no surgery was required. I guess that was the best news we got that whole entire day. Then we left to go back home to pick up the pieces of our broken heart.
We don't know exactly when we conceived, but we do know it was sometime in September. So Nick and I would have had a baby due in the month of June. June babies are the best (I'm a June baby).
I don't even know where to start. My first pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We didn't even know we were pregnant until we found out we had lost the baby. I was in the process of starting a new Birth Control and had went two or three months not using birth control. Nick and I were not trying to get pregnant. Earlier in the month, I had a suspicion that I was indeed pregnant, but I never got the chance to take a pregnancy test.
October 17, 2008 started out like any other day. I got up to go to work on a teacher workday and started what I thought was my period. I was not surprise because I had started a new birth control and that was the day I had expected my period to happen. I went on to work and other than some cramps, nothing else seem out of the ordinary.
Nick came by around 1, for us to go get something to eat and then off to his doctors appointment. We went to Bojangles, this use to be Nick's and I favorite restaurant, now the thought of eating it makes my stomach turn. We went on to Nick's appointment. He was schedule to get an allergy test done. For those of you who don't know how this is done, the nurse pricked Nick with over 70 needles to find out what exactly he is allergic too. Before the nurse could begin, I had already ran to the bathroom probably three times with an upset stomach. I still did not think nothing of it.
Nick found out that he was allergic to just about everything on Earth. He is allergic to trees and grass, I mean how do you even live being allergic to those. Anyway, the doctor recommended doing a thorough cleaning of the bedroom. So we went home and started cleaning up. Our goal was to get up as much of Shandi's (our dog) hair that we could. Shandi sleeps with us so you can imagine how much hair is actually in our bedroom. My stomach was still very uneasy, but other than that I was OK.
After cleaning for awhile, we had to stop and go the funeral home. One of our youth's Grandma had passed away and we went to show our respect. When we got back we went back to cleaning. This is when things got bad. I remember dusting our dresser and feeling this awful pain and feeling like something had fell out of me. The pain went away immediately afterwards so I continued dusting. It wasn't until Nick and I were getting ready for bed that I realized what had actually took place. I started my bath water and Nick went to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw what came out. At the time I told myself it was nothing. In my heart I knew exactly what it was. My baby had came out, though it did not look anything like a baby. It look just like some fleshy tissue. I looked at it for what seemed like forever before i called Nick into the bathroom to show him. Nick looked at it and did not know what to think. I told him that this was not normal and it had never happened before. I told him that I thought I just had a miscarriage but neither one of us could believe it. I took the tissue and put it in a container to take it so the Doctor could examine it. Since it was already so late, we decided to go on to bed. We would get up early in the morning and go to Urgent Care.
The next morning we got up early, I'm not even sure I even slept that night. We went straight to Urgent Care and they immediately sent us to the Emergency Room. They told us just in case the baby did not fully come out, the Emergency room was equip to do surgery if that needed to be done. We went on the Emergency Room where Nick and I had to wait hours to be seen by the doctor. We told the doctor what had happened and show him the container. That's when he confirmed that we did infact lose our baby. The baby we did not even know we had. The doctor and nurses were awful. They had no compassion and pretty much told us it was no need to cry. After hours at the ER they finally gave me an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that the baby did in fact miscarried all the way, so no surgery was required. I guess that was the best news we got that whole entire day. Then we left to go back home to pick up the pieces of our broken heart.
We don't know exactly when we conceived, but we do know it was sometime in September. So Nick and I would have had a baby due in the month of June. June babies are the best (I'm a June baby).
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG)
I called my doctor today to find out the results from my blood work. Good news, my beta levels (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin better known as the pregnancy hormone) are doubling!!! That is great news. I wish I can get them check weekly, but I don't think the doctor is going to want me to do that. It's the only assurance I have that this pregnancy is doing what it is suppose to be doing at this stage. I hope and pray that my levels continue to double.
I am exactly 5 weeks today. My baby's heart should be beating already and I hope it continues to beat. On another note, my pregnancy symptoms are doubling as well. Today I think I could have easily gone to sleep at work. I am extremely tired. And tonight, I felt as though I was going to throw-up. Most women dread these things about the pregnancy. I say bring on the morning sickness, the fatigue and anything else I am suppose to experience. That means my baby is alive and healthy and growing.
I believe all babies are little miracles and gifts from God. I pray for "My Little Miracle" everyday. Pray this is "The One" I get to take home from the hospital. "The One" Nick and I get to hold in our arms. "The One" we will actually get to name and love with all our hearts. Still praying for "My Miracle."
I am exactly 5 weeks today. My baby's heart should be beating already and I hope it continues to beat. On another note, my pregnancy symptoms are doubling as well. Today I think I could have easily gone to sleep at work. I am extremely tired. And tonight, I felt as though I was going to throw-up. Most women dread these things about the pregnancy. I say bring on the morning sickness, the fatigue and anything else I am suppose to experience. That means my baby is alive and healthy and growing.
I believe all babies are little miracles and gifts from God. I pray for "My Little Miracle" everyday. Pray this is "The One" I get to take home from the hospital. "The One" Nick and I get to hold in our arms. "The One" we will actually get to name and love with all our hearts. Still praying for "My Miracle."
Monday, May 10, 2010
First Prenatal Appointment
Nick and I went to the first prenatal appointment. This appointment was mainly to go over our history. Things like what I'm allergic to, any medical problems past or present. History of deformities in either one of our families. But mostly our pregnancy history. Luckily it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. We had the same sweet nurse we had our last pregnancy and she remembered us. The nurse also had a miscarriage during her first pregnancy, so she understands what we are going through. I couldn't even get excited about this appointment. Heck, Nick and I can't even get excited about this pregnancy. I feel like we are putting a wall up over our heart just in case our worse nightmare happens again. I know that it will not matter if I'm joyful now or not, because its going to hurt bad either way.
I go back on Wednesday to check my hormone levels to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. Praying extra hard that they are doubling. We got a lot of books and planners and pamphlets to look over. Not sure whether or not I even want to look at them. Last time, i read everything as soon as I got home. I probably will, just so I can stay informed for my future appointments. Speaking of appointments, I'm scheduled on May 26 for my first ultrasound. I will hopefully be 7weeks pregnant, and I PRAY that we will finally get to see our baby's heartbeat. We never got that experience last time.
Sorry if this post sounds kind of depressing. It really was a good appointment and I look forward to future check-ups. As always, keep us in your prayers.
I go back on Wednesday to check my hormone levels to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. Praying extra hard that they are doubling. We got a lot of books and planners and pamphlets to look over. Not sure whether or not I even want to look at them. Last time, i read everything as soon as I got home. I probably will, just so I can stay informed for my future appointments. Speaking of appointments, I'm scheduled on May 26 for my first ultrasound. I will hopefully be 7weeks pregnant, and I PRAY that we will finally get to see our baby's heartbeat. We never got that experience last time.
Sorry if this post sounds kind of depressing. It really was a good appointment and I look forward to future check-ups. As always, keep us in your prayers.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Another Mother's Day
Wow, has it really been TWO Mother's day since my first miscarriage. So that means another Mother's Day church service, that I cried all the way through. Our church has this service every Mother's Day that gives a rose to the Mother that is the oldest, the Mother that is the youngest, and the Mother who has had the most kids. Then all Mothers get some kind of gift from the church. The past two years I would have won the rose for being the youngest mother. But I could not win, because my babies are not here with me. They never made it into this world. I wanted to stand up anyways, but I knew that it would just make it awkward for everyone else. I wouldn't want the mother that won to feel like I took something that was rightfully hers.
To make it even harder on me, they asked all the mothers to stand and the church gave them all a potted flower. It was so hard to just sit there while everyone around me had biggest smiles on their face receiving their flowers.
I thought today I wasn't going to cry since I am actually pregnant this Mother's Day, but I was wrong. It was just as bad because I wish I never lost my other two babies, and because no one knows I'm pregnant. I had only three people tell me Happy Mother's Day today. I might not have any children that I'm raising but I do have two that are in Heaven. I might not be a mother to society, but I am a mother in my heart.
After losing my last baby on New Year's Day, I was dreading this day. I prayed to God that he would bless us with another baby and I prayed it would happen before Mother's Day. God is so amazing because he did bless us with another baby, and I found out 4 days before Mother's Day.
So today I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers whether their children are here on earth or in Heaven. And a Happy Mother's Day to those Mothers that are not able to have their own children.
To make it even harder on me, they asked all the mothers to stand and the church gave them all a potted flower. It was so hard to just sit there while everyone around me had biggest smiles on their face receiving their flowers.
I thought today I wasn't going to cry since I am actually pregnant this Mother's Day, but I was wrong. It was just as bad because I wish I never lost my other two babies, and because no one knows I'm pregnant. I had only three people tell me Happy Mother's Day today. I might not have any children that I'm raising but I do have two that are in Heaven. I might not be a mother to society, but I am a mother in my heart.
After losing my last baby on New Year's Day, I was dreading this day. I prayed to God that he would bless us with another baby and I prayed it would happen before Mother's Day. God is so amazing because he did bless us with another baby, and I found out 4 days before Mother's Day.
So today I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers whether their children are here on earth or in Heaven. And a Happy Mother's Day to those Mothers that are not able to have their own children.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Cinco de Mayo
This blog is so not a "Shannon" thing. I have done a lot of things in the past year that are not "Shannon" things. I have just had so much happen that I've probably had a nervous breakdown (or something), because I am definetly not the person I use to be. This blog is my way of processing everything. Getting my thoughts out helps me make sense of my situation. For those of you who might read this (it might just be Nick and myself) and not know our story, I will briefly explain... We have lost two babies to miscarriages in a row. The first miscarriage happened on my dad's birthday, October 17, 2008. Our most recent miscarriage happened on New Year's Day of this year. As devestating as both were and still is, they both have very unique stories. I will get into those stories on another blog some other time.
Today is a day worth celebrating, no not because it's Cinco de Mayo, but because we just found out I'm PREGNANT again. I took a pregnancy test first thing this morning and had two lines, with one line being very faint. But as they say, "a line is a line." As happy as we both are, we can't help but think about the past that was not so long ago. I know I will be haunted by the possibilty of another miscarriage everyday. Praying daily for a healthy baby, and for a healthy mommy (me). It's hard to fathom being happy and scared at the exact same time, but thats how it is for us. My due date is January 13, 2011. I had to check to make sure it was not Friday the Thirteenth, we don't need anymore bad luck.
Pregnancy symptoms so far:
Extremely TIRED
A little nausea
Extra bathroom trips (#1 not #2)
Very little cramping
I know these symptoms are about to be kicked into high gear soon. As part of my medical plan to prevent another miscarriage, my doctor has prescribed Prometrium capsules. This is to give my body extra progestorone. The doctors think that my body does not produce enough progestorone to maintain a pregancy. I hope and pray they are right. These capsules are suppose to intensify pregnancy symptoms (so pray for Nick, he will definetly need them).
This blog will not be published for you to see until after I annouce our pregnancy to our family and friends. But when you do finally get to see, please keep us in your daily prayers.
Today is a day worth celebrating, no not because it's Cinco de Mayo, but because we just found out I'm PREGNANT again. I took a pregnancy test first thing this morning and had two lines, with one line being very faint. But as they say, "a line is a line." As happy as we both are, we can't help but think about the past that was not so long ago. I know I will be haunted by the possibilty of another miscarriage everyday. Praying daily for a healthy baby, and for a healthy mommy (me). It's hard to fathom being happy and scared at the exact same time, but thats how it is for us. My due date is January 13, 2011. I had to check to make sure it was not Friday the Thirteenth, we don't need anymore bad luck.
Pregnancy symptoms so far:
Extremely TIRED
A little nausea
Extra bathroom trips (#1 not #2)
Very little cramping
I know these symptoms are about to be kicked into high gear soon. As part of my medical plan to prevent another miscarriage, my doctor has prescribed Prometrium capsules. This is to give my body extra progestorone. The doctors think that my body does not produce enough progestorone to maintain a pregancy. I hope and pray they are right. These capsules are suppose to intensify pregnancy symptoms (so pray for Nick, he will definetly need them).
This blog will not be published for you to see until after I annouce our pregnancy to our family and friends. But when you do finally get to see, please keep us in your daily prayers.
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