My First Loss

Reader discloser (contains some graphic descriptions)
I don't even know where to start. My first pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We didn't even know we were pregnant until we found out we had lost the baby. I was in the process of starting a new Birth Control and had went two or three months not using birth control. Nick and I were not trying to get pregnant. Earlier in the month, I had a suspicion that I was indeed pregnant, but I never got the chance to take a pregnancy test.

October 17, 2008 started out like any other day. I got up to go to work on a teacher workday and started what I thought was my period. I was not surprise because I had started a new birth control and that was the day I had expected my period to happen. I went on to work and other than some cramps, nothing else seem out of the ordinary.

Nick came by around 1, for us to go get something to eat and then off to his doctors appointment. We went to Bojangles, this use to be Nick's and I favorite restaurant, now the thought of eating it makes my stomach turn. We went on to Nick's appointment. He was schedule to get an allergy test done. For those of you who don't know how this is done, the nurse pricked Nick with over 70 needles to find out what exactly he is allergic too. Before the nurse could begin, I had already ran to the bathroom probably three times with an upset stomach. I still did not think nothing of it.

Nick found out that he was allergic to just about everything on Earth. He is allergic to trees and grass, I mean how do you even live being allergic to those. Anyway, the doctor recommended doing a thorough cleaning of the bedroom. So we went home and started cleaning up. Our goal was to get up as much of Shandi's (our dog) hair that we could. Shandi sleeps with us so you can imagine how much hair is actually in our bedroom. My stomach was still very uneasy, but other than that I was OK.

After cleaning for awhile, we had to stop and go the funeral home. One of our youth's Grandma had passed away and we went to show our respect. When we got back we went back to cleaning. This is when things got bad. I remember dusting our dresser and feeling this awful pain and feeling like something had fell out of me. The pain went away immediately afterwards so I continued dusting. It wasn't until Nick and I were getting ready for bed that I realized what had actually took place. I started my bath water and Nick went to lay down. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw what came out. At the time I told myself it was nothing. In my heart I knew exactly what it was. My baby had came out, though it did not look anything like a baby. It look just like some fleshy tissue. I looked at it for what seemed like forever before i called Nick into the bathroom to show him. Nick looked at it and did not know what to think. I told him that this was not normal and it had never happened before. I told him that I thought I just had a miscarriage but neither one of us could believe it. I took the tissue and put it in a container to take it so the Doctor could examine it. Since it was already so late, we decided to go on to bed. We would get up early in the morning and go to Urgent Care.

The next morning we got up early, I'm not even sure I even slept that night. We went straight to Urgent Care and they immediately sent us to the Emergency Room. They told us just in case the baby did not fully come out, the Emergency room was equip to do surgery if that needed to be done. We went on the Emergency Room where Nick and I had to wait hours to be seen by the doctor. We told the doctor what had happened and show him the container. That's when he confirmed that we did infact lose our baby. The baby we did not even know we had. The doctor and nurses were awful. They had no compassion and pretty much told us it was no need to cry. After hours at the ER they finally gave me an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that the baby did in fact miscarried all the way, so no surgery was required. I guess that was the best news we got that whole entire day. Then we left to go back home to pick up the pieces of our broken heart.

We don't know exactly when we conceived, but we do know it was sometime in September. So Nick and I would have had a baby due in the month of June. June babies are the best (I'm a June baby).